Never Say "I Love You" in Front of the Guys

I forget to mention in my last post - because I was having too much fun badly fusing Katie Holmes to a robot (I know it looked real!) to focus - about the other overly strange moment that happened in the first few minutes of that "Cruise-tacular" Oprah episode. While Katie was professing her undying love with the drool of a Bull Mastiff, Tom was looking a bit uncomfortable with his wife's endearments, as if he was on the basketball court with the guys and she pulled out the "I Love You" big gun, daring him to either a) say it back and endure the endless whipped jokes from his dude-mates, b) mumble the sentiment as quickly as possible and hope it's enough to make her go away, or c) act like he didn't hear her and instead smack a buddy on the ass, begging him in a girly voice not to cry. I think Tom would have chosen C, except the only other person in the room to smack was Oprah, and Miss O would have swallowed Tommy whole, bad haircut and all. So he went with B and Katie did, in fact, go away. You're safe for now, Tom. But remember, eventually, all robots turn on their owners. Be ready.